Perspective

I am blogging admist the state of mouselessness. Thankfully I am quite eloquent with my keyboard skills. See that I managed to bold my title. hehs.

The subject in matter today, is Perspective. What inspired this entry was a conversation I had with my shepherd over the phone. That very night, she spoke with so much wisdom, I was a lil amaze. LOL. Not that, she is not wise, but that night, she really brought up points of which I never really considered before. And that's why I say, people, utilise your shepherds, they are God given.

Anyways, she spoke to me about "Perpective".

A little background before I go into that.
One things about me is, I have this pet peeve of things no done properly. As such I will get immensely disturbed.
For example, when biblical principles are bended, especially if I happen to bend it myself. It doesn't matter if it's intentional or not. When I realise it or suspect it, I get very very disturbed.
Another example is Charle's and keith version of the paddingon bag. I am disturbed not because of the snob appeal, but more of the fact that I cannot stand it, when one copies the design of another, and pass it off as theirs. I'm am ok with things, going at economical prices. But, you don't copy totally something and after that pass it as yours. It's wrong. It's very wrong. At least replicas do acknowledge that they are fake and they are designer inspired.

Anyways, back of perspective. That night, I was particualarly disturbed by the fact, spending so much on a bag could be something "wrong", and it bothers me alot. However, my shepherd pointed out this. That actually all is in a matter of perspective. Some people value certian item more than others, hence willing to pay more for it. An example she gave is that, a guitarist will spend more than 1k on guitar but the most she will pay for a guitar is 200bucks.

At the point in time, I find that, yeah it makes sense.
Truthfully I felt much better.

I'm a little obsessive complusive.

Hahs....

Whilst, it's not wrong, I know there are rooms for improvement.

What that truly matters
words.actions.expression

"But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." " 1 Samuel 16:7

The way the lord look at our hearts, we sometimes need not be that mindful with our words when communicating with him. For he know our unspoken words, he is able to discern fully every heart motive. If we love him, he knows. If we love other things more than him, he knows too. If we are struggling but we really want to obey, he will know it too.

And so we say, it's about what is not the outside but the inside that matters.

Yes true.

However, taking it from other perspective. Precisely that man looks a the outward appearance, shouldn't we be mindful of our physical actions. Our words, our actions our expressions. For we are call to "honor other before self" in other words, to serve each other.
To simply say that "oh, as long as my heart is okay", and this be frivolous in our speech, to blabber without much thought, what good can it do? Truth is outward appreance do matter, not in a way that you want to impress, but we all need to serve others to the best that we can.

Unintentionally, I have overlook this area, and conveyed messages which is unhelpful to those around me. I feel deeply apologetic. I thus repent and decide to improve on my words, actions and expressions.

Our apperance, really matters.
"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you"

Skin deep is but skin deep.
Above all, it is him that truly matters.
Chloe is not love
My maker is.

I enjoy the beauty of which my maker allows.
Yet, it's really the maker whom I really love.

I will grow =)

Midnight Carousel

When night falls, several things happen. Almost routinely, every time. When all things fades to almost silence, I stand alone, before him, making the same prayers. Sometimes, I am unsure of these prayers, that I might not be worthy of them. Yet, there is simply so much at stake. A mélange of desperation and hopelessness. The same cycle, over and over. A time will come when all this will end, soon and very soon. Till then, the carousel continues, as I seek and learn.

As the melancholy overture plays in my mind, my heart is filled with an unspeakable longing. A longing for something more. More than all this.

Ardent longings...

so much more to be done.

Just a lil something....

Yup, just a little something before I go to sleep...

Hammy Chong is being very cheeky today, to sms me this,
"Hey your bag dammmm nice. I'm bringing it out today ok haha"

My replied went something like " really ar? Make sure you put it back nicely and no scratches!"

I had mixed feeling seriously. On one hand, I trust her. On the other hand, we are talking about my brand new Chloe paddington of which I haven even touch. However, I love her enough to trust her more.

Hahs, in the end, she didn't use it at all!

And so I say, she is being cheeky. >.<

She does that one more time, I am going to make her drive my Chloes to my place!

Through this small incident, I realise the amount of trust and love I have for this dear sister. If it's any other person, I prolly would have called and screamed at that person. >.<

First Day of Lunar New Year

The first day of Lunar New Year, visitation to Uncle Eng Chuan and Auntie Maureen's place. Few things took place.
As we were leaving our house to get a cab, my mother noticed my key and padlock, necklace and snubbed it. Yes... she totally dissed it. >.<
After which, we arrived at Uncle Eng Chuan and Auntie Maureen's place, my padlock was once again, the a hot topic. Aunties and Uncles, amused, at my padlock.
Seriously...what is wrong with my padlock? I wonder what would their reaction be should I carry my Chloes the next time round I see them. However, Uncle Eng Chuan was being encouraging as he shook my hand and said, "you look good today." OH thank you =)

Responding to the sermon trying to connect with out family members, I decided to talk more with Auntie Maureen (though they are already Christians), hence I decided to ask, " Oh so you been working? or Stop already?"
She replied, "oh..I have retired for 7 years."
Me, amazed, "Oh...I never knew...."
To resolve the awkardness, she said, "Oh but i'm working a a sense, a full time grandmother, looking after my granddaughter..."
Me: " oh...yes...what's her name?"
Auntie Maureen : " Penelope... "
Me:"wow..."
Auntie Maureen: "yeah...that's quite a mouthful..."

Yes, indeed, eventually, I didn't even try to pronouce it. Penelope by the way holds dual citizenship, Canada and Singapore. Isn't that cool or what!
And in their place, I discovered, the KORG TRITON. oh man!

That's just a part of my very complicated extended family. Once a year, I hear stories of far away people. Perhaps, reason being, my great grandfather has got 3 wives, and he owns a shipping company. Meaning, loads of children and money. However, all that till this generation, is very much diluted.

Oh and every year, Uncle Eng Chuan and family will send us Christmas present. So sweet ya?

Just some stuff....

Love song for the savior is still running in my head. Am listening to that song as I am typing this entry. Nothing much about today, the same steamboat and stuff like that. I must say that I sleep alot today, must have been the medicine. I am still sick T.T

My Chloes had finally arrived. =) Hammy Chong is sweet enough to offer to drive to my place and pass it to me. But was really tired, so decided to take it from her on sat. I am looking forward to taking them. I suspect as I am typing now, she might just carry it and take photos with it. She seemed like she cannot wait to swallow my precious Chloes. hahas...

And... I am really really tired. Happy Lunar New Year to all...
Ciaos...

Love Song for savior.

Love song for savior is my favourite song for the moment. I like the simplicity the song exudes, the rythm is also rather cheery.

Today, I stayed back a lil while to practice on the keyboard. Mom, promise a keyboard after CNY. =) As I was practicing I am glad that I am getting better at my D family chords, more farmiliar with them. I was once lost, and now I had found the "feel"... haha. Practice, when you do something over and over again, you get familiar with it and eventually can do it effortlessly. Sometimes, isn't that also true for bad habits and unhealthy thought patterns, u keep dwelling in it, you get more familar and doing them become effortless. And the truth is, as we put our heart to doing something, whether it's good or bad, as we keep doing, we will get "better", for the better or for the worst. Just keep doing, and you will be brillant in it.

Back to simplicity. I like to do simple things. Ponder simple thoughts. Bless people with a simple motive. I have this fetish towards, simplicity. Sometimes, some call that boring. But for me, I like simplicity. Because there is so much beauty and room for imagination in simplicity. One thing I like to do is to have a heart like a "country pumpkin" when exploring new places or even simple bus rides, to be wow and amazed by everything that I see. With a simple heart, a sincere heart I want to know everything around me. I dunno how to explain it, but I delight in simplicity. One reason why, I'm often not a big fan of haute couture of many, coz in design, there are often intricate details and such. I'm not so much into details, as much as I wish I could (and really admire people who has an eye for the small things). The simplicity in heart, the simplicity in motive, words, design.
I want to be simple.
Yet that would be paradox.
Human beings are far too intricate to be simple.
At least when all things aside, I know in his eyes, I'm beautiful and in my simplest heart, I want to love him with all that I can.
Simplify me, and I'm just one of this creation.

* His and Hers. ~ I want to fall in love with you....

Recount.

Woke up in shock this morning (technically last), time was 1045am, I was suppose to attend the adult service at 11.30am. Thankfully I managed to made my way there on time, without cabbing.

Pastor Jeff delievered one of his best sermons yet, or perhaps of the ones that I have received. Each point is still fresh in my mind. Perhaps, the subject in matter was a interesting one. His insightful sharing and personal testimony really refresh me on issues with regards to BGR, yes boy girl relationship. The journey from cuppage to PS, my shepherd asked me several questions, new questions that I was surprise to answer. It was nonetheless an interesting one. Of which, I will not reveal the content in my public blog =X

Anyways, one thing that really struck me, is this that was shared, "when the vision is clear, the option is lesser, the decisions are easier." Indeed, a timely reminder of how each of us, should have a vision of what to do in life. A easy guideline of how a vision should be like, should a combination of your heart desire (giftings, passion) that is according to his will. Say, perhaps a businessman to earn alot of money for the KOG. Something like that...
And it's only when you have a vision, that you will have something to focus on and not get so easily distracted. Each of us uniquely created in him, is specially wired for something, should you be reading this entry, I really want to encourage you to connect your desires with his purpose. Rest assure that as you desire to seek him, he will be found. Finding your personal vision in him, is not that hard.

Monday will be a day of sabbath. A day of planning, running errands, a time for myself and him. I'm looking forward to this day of rest, of which I had planned fruiftul activities.

*His and Hers.~ If you cannot love a perfect being like God, how can you love an imperfect fallen fellow human being?

Time Capsules.

The music that we listen to, often reflect our personality, somehow. Tonight, I'm reminded of a song, that sounded pretty meaningful, it's lyrics running in my head.

"Looking at life through my own eyes, searching for a hero to idolise, feeling the pain as innocence dies...."

It was such an old song, perhaps, when was 13or14 or 15? The song was a result of Shuyan's aaron carter obsession. But nevermind, I am actually reminded at how, at my early teens, the search for meaning and purpose is already so strong. I am reminded of how, many out there, are still looking for their "hero to idolise."

Sometimes, one of the worse feeling one can experience is loneliness. Sitting there, alone, "looking at life through our eyes, searching for a hero to idolise. " The older grow, "feeling the pain as innocence dies....So true isn't it? That as one grows older, exposed to the different experiences, to this fallen world, our many delusion, a collection of such experiences is will only bring much pain. And so, for the many out there lost, dug deeper holes, to conceal these experiences, once a while, they bring it out again, to allow pain fill up whatever vacumm that current experience failed to fill. It's a vicious cycle.

Pain like a drug, is addictive.

I used to look at the world through my own eyes, it wasn't easy. With my eyes, me alone, it was a lonely trip of exploration, seeking, disappointing, emptiness that I filled with different pain. Fear that consume me to inflict more pain. So scary. You know, I wasn't doing that bad outwardly, looking at the world through my own eyes. Just sometimes, it felt abit lonely.

Thankfully, I'm no longer looking at life through my own eyes.
No longer lonely.

One of the best encouragement I have today, is that, my teaching invoke people to be melancholy, that they will think deeper. Seriously, I'm simply encouraged.

And you see, it's not me, I was once empty, but he poured something in.

Material rants.

There had been mixed comments coupled with my own internal debate over my material direction. In simpler terms, things I have bought and things I will be buying, or have the intention to buy. Me, true to what Jiayi always refer to me as, in true blue "matter of fact" manner, am gonna list out Chantel's very own, material dos and don'ts. Here it goes...

1. I will never personally purchase a Chanel replica. Never. I could never bring myself to.
2. I will never purchase a material want at a price more that I will give as charity or for ministry purpose.
3. I never believe in material things for esteem boast.
4. I will not indulge in any material things, just coz it will make me feel good, coz I already have a maker who is able and will satisfied my every need and lack
5. However, that being so, I still appreciate asethetics
6. I do appreciate and respect designers right to their designs, however, I would be economical and think beyond the line of commercialisation. Should it be a more economical reason to not purchase their items at ridiculous prices, a replica is acceptable. Because, for me, I find it ridiculous to spend more than $3000 on a bag when in africa people are dying from hunger.
7. The world of haute couture still fascinates me nonetheless, I respect every designer's design. Yet I believe as a consumer, I pay what I deem worthy. =)

Yes, Chanel is a soft spot. I can never bring myself to buy a Chanel replica.

A quick one.

Many things in my agenda list. So much more too on my shopping list. Loads of things to acquire, needs. Books to purchase, new clothes, keyboards, guitars, bags.... I need to start planning my shopping list so as to priortise.

I believe as I gain more shopping experience I will stop being a stupid shopper. Should I have that finacial ablity I don't mind getting the Dior wallet for Shuyan. SHOULD I. haha... At least I have a heart that wants to bless.

Retail therapy is always good. After much bad experience, I conclude that, the only way to acheive brilliant shopping experience, is to shop at Chanels, Dior, Jimmy choos and such, coz, in such shops, I won't get rip off. Yet, to speak of such extravagance at such humble stature, is a tad impossible. Of which I hence choose a second option, to have an open heart. The next time, I want to make a purchase, let me think through first, and get it at a price I find it to be worthy of.
Money earn to be spent.

Yet, let me know spend them wisely.

I have embarked on a Chloe fast. No Chloes, till my ministry is stablised and goals are hit. Afterall my ministry is my priority. Yet I have to say, it's gonna be painful. Indeed.

Ridiculous.

I cannot believe this.

Just as I was hopefully searching for any chloe paddington sprees, I chance upon one, actually that is the only working one, but a close one. And i realise, it was organised by a friend of mine. Almost a year ago. At a price so cheap, I seriously don't mind paying, even at that point in time. Rahs.... Rahsss... Rahsss....

I cannot believe it that no one is organising any chloe sprees now. T.T

Prayerfully in a month's time, someone will do it. *Prays*

hahs.

Chloe spree anyone? Perhaps, I can get the details of the supplier from her, and get a couple of like minded friends and wala. YES YES....

^^
Now now.. I hope the borders "3for2" is still available. Chantel wants to buy books!